“The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt”

[by Heather]

Lately I have been having trouble getting myself motivated to write.  We worked hard to prep for the Judy in Hollywood event, so maybe I just needed a little break after that, I don’t know.  It’s not that Dot isn’t on my mind because I am constantly thinking of her.  She is ingrained in my subconscious and I feel that she is a part of me in some way. I have had meetings to discuss possible artwork, many discussions of Dottie and our project and have been trying to prep for the upcoming Judy Garland Fan Club magazine, among other things.  So it seems that I have been constantly working on all aspects of the project but writing the play itself!!! As the project goes on, I guess I am finding it hard to find the balance between group leader, playwright and actress.  Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t have it any other way.  This project is my “baby” so I take great pride in making sure we honor Dottie in the best possible way we can.  I having been utilizing my “group leader” self and I feel I am constantly using my “actress” self, but now I am just waiting for my “playwright” self to rear its head again. I need to remain calm and be confident that this self will indeed show up again. I need to fully own and be proud of all parts of my so-called “selves”.  As a quote from Sylvia Plath goes, “The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt”.  I am also coming to realize that every artist probably goes through these periods as well.  Besides, things are looking up. Ben & I have started meeting again more regularly to write and I have been inspired by some the ideas we have been coming up with.  I have also had many recent discussions with Martha to help figure out directions to take the play in as far as dramatic structure and the arc of the play.  I finally feel like we are starting to get the ball rolling again and I am catching glimpses of my “playwright” self again everyday.  ☺

Judy in Hollywood: The Dream Becoming Reality

[by Heather]

I could not believe it when I stepped off the plane and entered LAX.  The Dottie-ans and I had been working so hard for a long time to get things ready for this trip and it was finally here.  I think I was still in disbelief that this was all happening right up until our reading that weekend.  But before I go into that, I will touch on a few of the other events of the weekend.

On the first day, Martha and I arrived separately and after we had both checked in to the hotel, dropped off our luggage and freshened up, we went straight to Meredith’s house.   It was a surreal experience to have finally met Meredith in person after we have been talking to her for a little under a year now. When we get to her house we are met by all the animals she owns that we frequently hear her talking to when we speak with her on the phone.  It was funny to put the names with their faces too. Then Meredith brings out THE boxes- THE Ponedel Archives, themselves.   I was seething, practically foaming at the mouth with anticipation of what was in these boxes.  Well maybe that’s exaggerating a little but I was so excited and were on those Archives like bees on honey.  I had waited for this moment for so long- to actually SEE the documents, letters, photographs, Dottie’s memoir pages, etc. that Meredith has told us about so many times over the phone. Every other minute I came across some new treasure or factoid that I didn’t know about and I was in Dottie Heaven.  And yet despite my complete elation, I was quite overwhelmed by so much information and so little time to study and absorb every document of Dottie’s past.  I think we even decided on the first day that we needed to make another trip back to LA sometime in the very near future to spend more time with the Archives and to have them digitally preserved.

In a daze, I left Meredith’s house and went back to the hotel for the “Getting Acquainted “with all the rest of the Judy fans and Judy in Hollywood Festival organizers, Jan and Richard Glazier (congrats to them for putting the whole weekend together!).  I must give a quick shout out to my new-found friend and hotel roommate, Joan Beck Coulson.  From the very beginning we hit it off and somehow or another it was decided that she would be my Auntie Joan (kinda of like Auntie Mame, because well that’s how she is!).  What a fascinating woman and what an honor for me to be sharing this weekend with her.  Anyway, throughout the next day we partook in numerous and equally fascinating Judy adventures including a bus tour of Judy’s old homes and haunts, a tour of the old MGM Studios (now Sony), seeing a few of Michael Siewert’s Judy costumes (absolutely stunning!), and a presentation about The International Judy Garland Fan Club by Joan Beck Coulson and Gary Horrocks, the current head of the Club (more on him in a minute!).

Next came our Reading/Presentation of the scenes we have been working on for the play.  Whoa. It actually started to hit me when we were on the bus going back to the hotel from the MGM tour.  It was a pretty intense feeling- I tried to stay calm but I was a bundle of nerves to the point that I thought I might have an anxiety attack.  It’s hard to explain exactly what I was feeling at this time because it was so many things- I was so happy and so proud of the Dottie-ans and how far we have come, I was nervous and scared yet I was confident and bold.  I felt that as soon as the reading was over that I would cry with relief and happiness of what we had just accomplished.  I just couldn’t believe that we had talked about this event for so long and the moment was finally at hand.  As cheesy as it sounds, the dream was becoming a reality at that moment.  Quite honestly I guess the dream has been becoming a reality for a while now, but at that precise moment is when it finally sunk into my brain and into body that all of this was really happening.

Heather, Martha, Meredith

So Meredith and Martha gave opening comments and we did the reading, with me reading Dot, of course, and Martha reading the stage directions.  One of the best compliments came right after the reading came from Meredith. She said that she was kind of worried about how all of this would go but as soon as I opened my mouth, “there was Dot!”  Talk about major validation— to have Dottie’s own niece say that she thought I sounded like Dot was just proof to me that we are on the right track.  I am so glad she is happy with what we have done so far.

Heather, Judy and Dot, Martha

Besides Meredith’s feedback, we got a few questions and suggestions but the group was rather quiet, so at first we weren’t really sure what the general response was.  I thought that people were probably tired and restless as we had been out on tours all day.   Plus, we were running behind schedule from the day’s activities so people were probably getting hungry and antsy to get going again.  Well maybe it just took a little while to marinate in their minds because throughout the rest of the weekend people kept coming up to Martha and I and telling us how great the reading was and what a cool idea, etc.  One of the best remarks we got was from Gary Horrocks (the Editor and Chief of the new Judy Garland Fan Club Publication,  Judy Garland: A Celebration) came up to us and said our Dottie event was one of his favorite events of the whole weekend.  He later offered to give us a spread in the next issue of the Club magazine!!!  WOW!  What an honor and what a fantastic way for us to spread the word about Dottie and our project!  Thank you Gary- what a lovely man he is and his partner, Justin too.

The rest of the trip was wonderful as well, but I am trying to keep this post Dottie-related (as hard as it is for me not to talk about all the amazing Judy things we did!).  We did got to tour CBS Studious with the delightful George Sunga, Production Supervisor of The Judy Garland Show when it aired.  I could write a whole post about this visit, but let’s just say it was an absolutely magical experience and we could all feel Judy in the room.

Dot in pastels

On the last day of the trip, Martha and I checked out of the hotel and Meredith picked us up to bring us to her house for one more look at the Ponedel Archives.  She also showed us some items that belonged to Dottie- some glassware, some jewelry (including a ring with a beautiful golden stone that I tried on that Dottie herself wore! Fab!), some props from movie sets and a stunning pastel portrait of Dottie that has some water damage.

Then back to LAX to go home.  Home from one of the best trips I have ever been on.  There were memories made that I will cherish forever and some newfound friendships that will last a lifetime.   Hopefully we made a few new Dottie fans along the way too…..

Impressions of Dottie

[by Heather]

Dottie Ponedel in Impressions of Garland (1972)

My first blog entry! But where to begin….  Well, I can’t believe we a have a blog now—how cool!  And to think this play originally started as a joke.  Well, not really a joke, but it all came as a suggestion from Josh (creative consultant) when I showed him the 1972 BBC documentary Impressions of Garland.  I wanted him to see it A.) because I was a newly obsessed Judy fan and B.) because there was this really funny, feisty older woman featured in it named Dottie.  Dottie just struck a chord in me—from the first time I saw her, I knew she was a woman who would tell it like it is and wouldn’t put up with any crap from anyone.  As soon as Josh saw Dottie he said, “You should write a one-woman play for yourself about this woman.”  I quickly laughed it off saying, “Yeah, sure… Right.”  But it must’ve been marinating in my brain because I found myself a few days (weeks?) later asking Ben (a new friend who I knew was interested in playwriting) if he wanted to write the play for me.  Well, I think I actually TOLD him that he should write it for me!  Anyway, at first he kind of had the same reaction I’d had (at least this is what I thought at the time)—an “Uh-huh, ok. Whatever” kind of thing.  And then we just started talking about it more.  We invited a few of our friends to join in and help us shape some ideas for this play about this pioneering woman.  Lindsay (stage manager), Juliana (creative consultant), and Josh came onboard to share their creative juices with us.  The next addition to the group was Martha, our dramaturg extraordinaire.  I had posted an inquiry on the Judy Garland Message Board (see link on the left!) asking if anyone had any info about Dottie, as she was Judy’s makeup woman and friend for many years.  Martha replied saying that she had corresponded through email with Dottie’s niece, Meredith.  Martha emailed Meredith and told her that we would be contacting her to find out more about Dottie’s life story.  We were soon emailing Meredith and talking to her on the phone and finding all kinds of goodies on Dottie.

We were on our way now!  We started off unsure of what steps to take and how to even craft a play, but the whole group has worked tirelessly to MAKE things happen and set this project in motion.  We have even named ourselves “The Dottie-ans” after this amazing woman who has left such indelible impression on us.  Trust me, we have had our share of ups and downs (and what project in development hasn’t?), but we have also come leaps and bounds from where we first started.  I think we have already come farther than our wildest expectations and I can’t wait to see what happens next!